


Dammit Misha...

by SongbirdAli



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Cockles, Ficlet, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, post con, spnden
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 07:43:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15747327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongbirdAli/pseuds/SongbirdAli
Summary: After Misha's Panel at the 2018 SPNDEN Con, Jensen needed to clear the air, but he wasn't sure why.





	Dammit Misha...

He sat cross legged on the couch flipping absentmindedly through his book while his mind ran over all the things he needed to get done in the coming week. It never seemed to end but it was so worth it. The busyness, the exhaustion, the time away from home. He felt like he was really doing something with his life and it made him feel so content. 

A knock sounded on the hotel room door jerking him free of his musings. He jumped up and padded across the room wondering who it could be at this hour. A glance through the peep hole answered that question. He threw the door open and guestured for Jensen to come inside. 

“Hey! I wasn’t expecting you. Everything ok?” Misha smiled warmly but his smile drooped when he noticed the look on his friends face. 

“We gotta talk Mish. What the hell was that during your panel on Friday?!” Jensen’s glassy eyes told Misha he’d been drinking. Not so much he didn’t know what he was doing but enough to loosen a tongue that was usually very controlled. 

“You’re not seriously upset about that, are you? Come on Jensen, we both know the writers have been playing up that "will they/won’t they” tension for years now. They won’t pull the trigger on it unless you’re on board but that doesn’t mean it’s not there. The fans know it and my fans enjoy an open dialog about it. If they bring up Destiel I’m not just going to shut them down. That’s not fair.“ His thick thighs flexed with the effort to lower himself to the couch in the living room. Green eyes flashed for a second before returning to meet his blue.

"Ok, yeah, but that wasn’t all you talked about. What did they call it? ‘RPF’?” His faded skinny jeans strained as he took a seat on the couch across from his long time friend. Jaw working while he tried to find the words to express why he was so frustrated but he was having trouble figuring it out as well.

“Cockles. You’re pissed because I joked about you and I. Come on, man, you know I was joking. Daneel makes jokes about it all the time. She even called me after the panel to laugh about it. Are you having a "no homo” moment, is that what this is?“ Misha swallowed the nervous disappointment that had thickened in his throat and pasted on what he hoped was a reassuring grin. He suspected that maybe he’d let it go too far this time. Maybe this man he’d been in love with for years finally saw his shenanigans for what they were. An admission.

"Mish, look, I just….I mean I get uncomfortable. I hate that some of the fans get shitty with you over it but I don’t feel like we should get involved or it’ll snowball. You know how I feel about you. You and Jared are my best friends." Jensen rubbed his scruffy face in frustration. He couldn’t get the words to connect to anything coherent. Hell, he didn’t even know what he was trying to say or why he was even there. He’d come over in a rush, finally free from the schedule, but now he wasn’t sure what he’d been so irritated about.

"What makes you uncomfortable? Help me understand because I’m not sure I’m getting it. You realize this is no different that if the fans were wanting you to get together with any woman on the show. I’m not telling you what to think or how to respond but I’m not going to allow it to be any different in terms of a conversation when it comes up in my panel because I refuse to alienate our LGBTQ fans. If you think I’m wrong, call me out. I want to hear what you think." Misha stood up and began to pace as he talked, uncomfortably aware of how important this was to him at the moment and how quickly he would know for sure how Jensen felt about this, once and for all. Maybe he didn’t want to know.

"Well, I mean, don’t you think Vicki might be just a little uneasy with the idea of you and some dude….” Misha cocked an eyebrow and stared back at Jensen. Jensen smirked when he realized how stupid that particular concern was. 

“Jens, what are you really worried about? Lay it all out there. You can trust me, you know that.” As he spoke he returned to the couch and sat down close enough to smell the familiar musk that seemed to follow this Texan everywhere. Brow furrowed in earnest, Misha laid his hand over Jensen’s fidgeting fingers trying to get him to relax. His reaction was the opposite.

Jensen jumped up from the couch and strode to the door. “I shouldn’t have come…you’re probably right…I’m just overreacting." His words tumbled out of his mouth in a fury. Misha jumped and ran after him, his heart hammering in his chest and quickly filling with dread. Just before he pulled the door open, Misha’s toe caught on the rug sending him plowing into Jensen’s back slamming them both into the door.

Taking a step back and murmuring apologies, his blue eyes sought out the green ones he cared about so much. Jensen’s were blown wide and frantic as he turned to look at his long time friend. Misha wrapped his palms around the other man’s shoulders and searched his face.

"Jensen, please. Talk to me. If I’ve upset you this badly I’ll do whatever I need to to fix it but something else is wrong here, I can feel it." Jensen took a deep breath and looked at the floor as he rubbed at his neck.

"Do you even think about how it makes me feel when you talk that way?” The words came out quaking with uncertainty.

“No. I guess I hadn’t. I mean we all joke constantly, I didn’t think it mattered. Honestly if the idea upsets you that much I’ll just..”

“No, Mish, you’re not understanding me. I don’t know how to come back from this but I can’t keep it buried because every time you talk about it, at a con or on set, I wonder and it’s torture. Do you even mean what you’re saying or is it all an act? Do you actually…I mean, am I the only one who feels like this tension is real?" Jensen chewed his lip nervously and looked anywhere but at the soft smile forming on Misha’s lips.

Leaning in close, he slid his strong fingers behind Jensen’s tanned neck and brushed his nose against his freckled one."Dammit Jens, why did it take you so long…”


End file.
